Friday, August 29, 2014

Don't Pretzel My Buttons

I would like to comply with this request, but really, OPI, you leave me no choice.

Are you aware that the only similarity between the word “pretzel” and the word “press” is the first three letters?  By that logic, I could writhe a sentinel like third Andorra evening shovel be apple my cleaver witness.  Ha ha, get it?  I mean, Gethsemane it?

I am also troubled by the question of whether I should inform you that under no circumstances should a pretzel ever be this color.  Frankly, if you have eaten so many godforsaken pseudo-pretzels that you consider this color to be in any way reminiscent of a pretzel, you are probably already beyond all medical help.  Although enough thiamine mononitrate in the brain pan would finally shed some long-awaited clarity on the “thought” “process” behind these names.

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